"I don't have the hang of this Xanga thing at all.  My friend Diana just kinda made me set it up, so excuse me if it seems kinda random.  That's my excuse anyway.  Why would anyone want to read a page about me anyway?  Unless they are some kind of perv that gets off on this."    

Wow.......I was kind of a bitch back then.

NEWayz, I just got finished reading my Xanga site starting from the first post.  It was kinda weird to see how much I've grown over the last 2 years.  I've learned alot about myself.  I've been through more in the last 2 years and I really don't think that if anyone had tried to explain about how the real world works that I would have truly understood. 

This goes double for the subject of Love.

Before my first love, I would watch a movie where somone would go through a breakup and I would think to myself "that's gotta suck".  In the movies they never show the true heartbreak that a person goes through after being dumped by somone they love.  In Hollywood the dumpee usually goes out the next night and finds somone at the bar to hookup with.  When somone in the real world does this it really dosen't give them time to heal.  I guess you could compare it to having a limb cut off and then cauterizing it with a hot iron.  It stops the bleeding, but the wound is still there and will have to be dealt with eventually. 

As for the dumper, in real life, they usually don't care how their actions will affect this person that cared for them so much.  All they know is how they are feeling at the time.  For whatever reason they are unhappy and wish to find a way out.  That's all they want.  I've experienced this myself and have witnessed it more than once over the past year.  

Of course it's fine if your not happy in a relationship and want to get out.  It's better that way.  It dosen't do either party any good to stay in a relationship that one member is uncomfortable in.  But once it does end, the dumper chooses to cut all ties with their former partner.  They may promise to stay friends and keep in touch but all they really want is to get away from that person. 

Why is that??  Why can't people look at a person they were romantic with as just a person?  Why do we let the bad memories get in the way and let us forget about that person's good nature?

Recentlly, while in coversation with a friend about their recent breakup, I heard someting very familiar from my last breakup.  "I've gotten over it, It's been X months, why hasn't she gotten over it?"  My ex asked me that exact same thing after he broke up with me.  It was probablly the most infuriating thing I ever heard him say. 

I just want to say right now that this post has nothing to do with the above mentioned friend.  I was reading through my previous posts and was reminded about this particular comment and I decided to go on a rant of some kind.  Anyway back to my soapbox......

I wanted to scream at my ex, "How can your eyes be so closed?  How can you not see that the breakup looks different on my side of it?  Of course you got over it, You're the one who wanted out!"  People tend to be very endocentric and don't see the other person's point of view. In the case of relationships I really do think that it's just the feeling of wanting to be free from their ball and chain.  It might not be that they don't see, it could be that they choose not to see.  It then gets to the point where the dumper will take on the role of the victim asking the above question simply because they do not want to have anything to do with their former love and feel threatned when that person continues to stay in contact.

After my breakup I was brokenup.  It took me along time before I felt like my head was straight.  My brain was swimming in a constant fog, literally.  It felt like I would never have a good day ever again and that I would always wake up and the first thing that I would think would be, "oh yeah,..... he's gone.  Because of the nature of the breakup I WAS THE VICTIM!  What hurt the most was when he turned it around and made me feel like I was unjustified and stupid for feeling that way!  That was when I realised that he didn't care.  He was only interested in "getting his life back to normal" after dumping me. 

I'm not still angry about this whole incident happening to me as much as I am upset about seeing it happen to other people.  That tells me that this scenario is generally the rule and not the exception.  I think that it's kinda sad that people will hide from reality and choose to be blind.  *hops off soapbox*

On that subject  I am done for today.  Actually while I was writting I remembered that I have a paper due in Human Sexuality about anything we want (sex, relationships, breaking up, abstinence, etc.)  Since I have almost a whole paper written here I might just use this as my subject.  Hell I could even cut and paste and it would probablly work.  

Oh well.....for anyone who stayed and read this whole thing, "I tank u vewy mucsh." (said in the voice of Miss Swan).  For those of you who didn't... eh.  

Hope to see everybody at Matt's wedding.  Later.